“LeBron Lost to the Fucking Suns! How is he gonna beat the Monstars?” – Michael Jordan (probably)

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This NBA season has been the least exciting in recent memory. Even with the higher scoring and teams going for 130-140 almost nightly. I don’t think the league has been as exciting as it has in years past. There are few players who really care about playing defense and I think LeBron is to blame. Specifically when LeBron won the championship in 2016. He spent the entire year not playing good defense until the playoffs started and LeBron started trying. You see highlights of LeBron not running back on defense all the time these days. Maybe it is because he is older now. Maybe it is because he is an alcoholic. Even if he is not a full blown alcoholic he definitely drinks too much. Ever since he really started drinking wine and bragging about how much wine he drinks his play has suffered. They say he’s saving it for the playoffs but we won’t see that this year. Anyways this was all to make the point that you seldom see the vintage LeBron chase-down block you would see in his earlier years.

 

This nonchalant attitude towards the regular season started spreading around the league when the Cavs won the championship in 2016. But Specifically LeBron won ‘his’ title for Cleveland. At the parade he was basically the MC treating the entire team as if he were above them. I guess he had a right to. After leading everyone in the series in points, assists, rebounds, blocks and steals while overcoming a 3-1 series lead. Against a team that went 73-9 in the regular season, breaking the Bulls 96 record. But the regular season doesn’t matter and since then it has mattered less and less and it shows. The next season the Warriors signed Kevin Durant and their sense of urgency to win every game had lessened. Rightfully so, they are still able to lock up the number 1 seed without even really trying. And now that they broke the record for most wins and lost the championship they feel they have lost their reason to really put forth their best effort for every game.

 

After losing their series with the Cavs some of the Warriors players made comments about how tiring it was to try to win every game in the regular season and how their post season play suffered because of it. In American sports the only thing that really matters at the end of the day is winning the title and they didn’t accomplish that. So their record breaking season was a waste and no longer a priority. This was worsened because of LeBron winning the title after playing no defense the entire 2016 regular season. But he was entirely different in the playoffs. This was also before LeBron would drink a 1942 bottle of red every night for the antioxidants. He had not proven himself after leaving Miami so he still at least cared to play defense and dominate the playoffs. Since then he has seldom if ever really been trying in what he deems meaningless games Even as recently as last year I can remember LeBron not running back on defense in the playoffs and letting his man hit a 3. The worst part is that he is the first to vocally place blame on his teammates on the court publicly, through the media, or in his social media posts. The Lakers must be sick of this dude.

 

I can’t imagine how it would feel to be so unwanted as all the Lakers apparently are to LeBron. To know your teammate is that concerned with getting Anthony Davis. But would never tell you to your face. Then running out onto the court to celebrate your success as if to make it about himself when he’s not even playing. I don’t even understand how Anthony Davis would want to play with LeBron. Sure it sounds cooler than losing with the Pelicans but at the end of the day you’re gonna become Chris Bosh / Kevin Love. LeBron was asked to comment about Bosh during Bosh’s jersey retirement in Miami. LeBron said he doesn’t win “his” championships in Miami without him. That’s the role Anthony Davis would be relegated to. Does that really sound like something someone would want to do?

 

LeBron has proven time and again he is the most egotistical self-centered player in the league. He only cares about himself and his image. He has self proclaimed himself the greatest of all time. Which brings me to this rhetorical question;

Why would anyone want to be in Space Jam 2???

Sure the exposure in Hollywood might be fun and whatnot but think about this. Almost every player in the NBA right now grew up watching Space Jam. Most if not all the players that have seen the movie have probably seen themselves in the movie in some shape or form. Why would any of them want to be a villain to lose to LeBron of all people?? That isn’t even realistic. The only way this Space Jam could be real is if LeBron stole the talent from NBA players to use on his team to beat the Looney Toons. LeBron lost to the Suns this year. I know it’s a team game but if LeBron wants all the credit when he wins I’m going to give him the blame when he loses. So LeBron lost to the Suns. How the fuck is he supposed to beat the Monstars when he can’t beat the Suns? Nevermind the Warriors who have been whooping his ass for the better part of the last 5 seasons.

 

If Space Jam 2 was realistic the Monstars would just go to a Warriors game, get KD, Steph and Klay’s talents then beat LeBron and the Looney Toons and the entire human race would be enslaved to this guy:

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Thanks LeBron but no thanks. Space Jam is a classic and should not be ruined by LeBron. The fact that players were willing to be in the first Space Jam shows how dominant MJ was. Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing and Mugsey Bogues had all been getting their ass whooped by MJ for years before the first Space Jam. I would add Shawn Bradley to that list but he is so far down the totem pole to the other 3 players that I’m sure he was just happy to be invited. Even Larry Bird and Bill Murray had so much respect for Jordan that they had cameo appearances in the movie. Everybody liked Jordan and most importantly everybody wanted to be liked by Jordan. Anyone would have gladly joined the first Space Jam because nobody would want to tell MJ no. And it’s not like you were beating him in real life so losing to him in the movie is the most realistic thing you can do.

 

MJ came out of retirement at 32 years old in 1995 and averaged 30 on a team that went 72-10 and won the title. Then he made Space Jam and it came out to start the next season. There was no doubt in anybody’s mind that Jordan could beat the Monstars. I mean would the Looney Toons even really pick LeBron if they had to pick anyone in the NBA? I’m not even sure LeBron is the best player in the league right now. Why wouldn’t they pick James Harden or Giannis? Can the Looney Toons only watch outdated film from LeBron’s days in Miami? If so I have a lot of bad news for you Bugs. If LeBron is your answer we’re all fucked. Or as your friend would say “we’re all fu-fi-fu-fi-fu we’re in big trouble”

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